- Dancing around in groups singing into hairbrushes and collapsing onto your bed in a fit of giggles: It's become a staple of the chick flick. The circumstances regarding how this arises can vary: A teen's first sleepover, trying to cheer up a friend after she's been dumped, etc. A variation on the theme has the group of females merely dancing around and laughing while a non-diegetic song (that they somehow are all in time to) plays in the background. In any case, who does this? I would like to know! I've had plenty of sleepovers with friends, I've helped friends through breakups and good times, and we've never felt the need to karaoke ourselves into hysterical laughter in our bedrooms. I'm just saying.
- The crying collapse into the fetal position: This is also pretty common in the chick flick. You know the scene: The leading lady loses whatever it is she's after (9.9 times out of 10 the man of her dreams), and she slumps against the wall to express her pain. It usually starts out with a single tear streaking down her face, but inevitably she will erupt into a fit of sobs and slide down the wall into a curled position clutching her knees. Granted, I've felt mopey mc-emo-pants like that before and have curled up in the fetal position on my bed (or in the backseat of a friend's car), but it's never been quite as dramatic as that. If only!
- Wearing sexy lingerie under regular clothing on a daily basis. This is something James Bond films, among others, certainly lie to you about. I suppose if I knew I would be encountering James Bond at some point that day, I would prepare myself. After all, even lesbians aren't immune to Bond's wiles, so why fight the inevitable? But I don't suppose you really get warning for that, and it just seems silly to wear the fancy, lacy, sexy stuff every single day just in case. Not to mention that it's impractical, both from a cost standpoint and a comfort standpoint. Cost-effective underwear is, by its very nature, plain, nothing for show, and just does its job. But the really nice stuff? From my understanding, you only wear that for the express purpose of having it taken off, and, as a result, they aren't necessarily made with comfort in mind. Now that I think about it, if there IS someone who does wear sexy underwear on a day-to-day basis, I really don't need to know.
- Have frank and detailed discussions about their sex lives in public. I fully acknowledge that I'm a prude and that most of my friends are the same way. Moreover, I really don't want or need to know the sordid details of what people I know do behind closed doors. I'm a visual person--it doesn't end well. In any case, movies and TV would lead you to believe that people talk about sex no matter how public the location and in as much detail as they please. Topics covered include: When, where, how often, what positions, special moves, etc. (I also admit that a lot of what I'm thinking about appears in comedies, so they do this specifically for the awkwardness, but still.) Again, if you have NO PROBLEM discussing your sex life in front of a crowd, I really, really don't need to know. But I question how many people actually do this.
- Keep shoeboxes with pictures and other keepsakes under their beds. I can't even count how many movies feature this. You know the scene I'm talking about. The protagonist gets to reminiscing or feeling lonely or something and goes up to his/her room, shuts the door, and reaches under the bed for that shoebox. There are extra points if the pictures (and sometimes letters) are tied together with a ribbon. But I am convinced that this is 100% a screen thing. Excluding the fact that almost no one prints pictures anymore, people are more apt to keep printed pictures in albums or, if they are in a box, still in their envelopes, and those are in boxes.
- Leave the windows open during sex. How many movies and TV episodes have there been where someone discovers that his/her significant other is cheating after looking through the window and seeing him/her having sex with someone else? That would be indisputable (but hopefully not video) evidence, for sure. But I'm predisposed to think that people in general would, oh, I don't know, draw a curtain or close the blind prior to naked time? I realize that we're slowly becoming a world of exhibitionists, but while there's still some modesty around I prefer to give us the benefit of the doubt.
~The Original Fong~
**You wish you could pull off being me**
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